we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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