I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize