Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
