Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
