Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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