Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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