i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
