i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
