My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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