I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
