i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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