Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
