WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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