I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
