No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
