I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
