Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
