my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
