So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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