just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need a beard to bite.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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