you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
