Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
