I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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