gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have post one night stand depression
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