I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
