went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize