..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
