I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
