If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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