Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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