My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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