i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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