he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
