I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
