pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
