my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
