Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
