her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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