I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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