I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
