the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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