The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
