I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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