He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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