are you so shy because you have an std?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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