FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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