I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
