im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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