Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
