Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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