im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize