on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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