Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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