Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
