Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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