lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
