i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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