I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
