omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
