Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
