I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
