I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
