My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
