Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
