I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
